We‘ve all been there. You start to get a sneaking suspicion that your boyfriend is up to no good. Maybe he‘s become distant, deflects questions about his day, or keeps his phone glued to his hand. You want to know what‘s going on, but don‘t want to become the snooping girlfriend stereotype.
Luckily, technology has made it possible to monitor your boyfriend‘s digital footprint without ever laying a finger on his device. In this guide, we‘ll explore discreet and ethical ways to check his messages so you can find out if your worries are founded or if you can finally take a deep breath.
Why Read His Messages?
Before we dig in, let‘s first discuss when and why checking his messages may be warranted.
- You‘ve noticed some potential red flags like increased secrecy, decreased intimacy, or dishonest behavior
- Your intuition is shouting that something feels off
- You want concrete evidence before confronting him about suspected cheating
- Previous infidelity makes you feel the need to verify faithfulness
- Safety concerns if he is involved in illegal or dangerous activities
Looking at his messages should never be done casually. Make sure you have strong reasons to justify this invasion of privacy before proceeding.
Signs He May Be Cheating
Here are some common indicators that your boyfriend could be cheating, signaling it may be time to start monitoring his communications:
- Increased time away from you for "work" or "boys nights out"
- Sudden change in sexual interest – either increased desire or disinterest
- More attentiveness to his phone and taking it everywhere
- Defensive when you ask normal questions about his day
- Caginess about friends, plans, or how he spends his time
- You find him in small lies about his activities or whereabouts
- Less engagement on social media like sharing photos with you
- New email or social media accounts you don‘t know about
According to research from the University of Connecticut, the more of these signs you notice, the more likely your partner is cheating. If several behaviors have you concerned, it may be time to investigate further.
Statistics on Infidelity
How common is cheating exactly? While no one can know for sure, surveys and studies give us a window into what happens behind closed doors:
- Approximately 15-20% of married couples admit to infidelity at some point (American Association for Marriage and Family Therapy)
- Men and women cheat at similar rates, with nearly 20% for women and approximately 25% for men (Journal of Couple and Relationship Therapy)
- Close to 50% of people admit they would cheat if they knew they could get away with it (Indiana University Kinsey Reports)
- People who earn over $75,000 per year are 1.5x more likely to cheat than lower income groups (National Opinion Research Center)
Regardless of overall statistics, those numbers mean nothing if cheating occurs in your relationship. Being aware of the signs and using technology for insights can help protect against infidelity.
Ethical Concerns
Before we get into specific tactics, let‘s address the potential ethical dilemmas of checking your partner‘s messages:
- You will violate his privacy, so only proceed if you have strong reasons to believe he is straying
- Get proof of cheating before confronting to avoid false accusations
- Never use monitoring to control a partner or stalk them – only use it for gathering evidence around specific concerns
- Consider discussing relationship problems and insecurities directly instead of snooping
- Seek counseling to identify root issues – cheating can often reflect deeper dysfunctions
- Monitor ethically and discreetly, not obsessively – and know when to stop
- Be prepared for what you might uncover and how it could impact your relationship
Entering into his private communications is not a decision to make lightly. Make sure you are doing it for the right reasons and are prepared for what you might discover before crossing that line.
1. Spy and Monitoring Apps
The most popular way to look at your boyfriend‘s texts, calls, social media, and smartphone activities is using a spy app. These apps capture data from devices like texts, GPS location, photos, and social media messages and make that data accessible to you via a secure online dashboard.
Here are 3 top-rated monitoring apps for comprehensively tracking a cell phone:
mSpy
With over 1 million users, mSpy is the leader in cell phone tracking software. After a quick installation on your boyfriend‘s device, it can record:
- Phone calls
- Text messages (even deleted ones)
- GPS location
- Instant messaging on Facebook, WhatsApp, Snapchat, Viber, Telegram, and more
- Emails
- Browser history
- Plus much more
I especially like the keyword alert feature that sends you notifications if certain words or phrases appear in his messages. You’ll get alerted in real-time if another woman’s name pops up for instance.
mSpy subscription starts at $16.66/month when billed yearly. One-time access can also be purchased if you only need short-term monitoring. It works on iPhones, Androids, and all other smartphones. Jailbreaking is required for iPhones to install the software.
Over 1 million people trust mSpy for catching cheating partners discretely. The low price point, reliability, and robust features make it a top choice.
FlexiSPY
For powerful tracking abilities, FlexiSPY is an excellent choice. FlexiSPY captures all the standard data like texts, calls, location and also offers advanced options like:
- Recording phone surroundings
- Tracking IM chats in games and dating apps
- Viewing camera images
- Monitoring all communications from iCloud or Google account backups
FlexiSPY’s standout feature is call interception. It allows you to remotely turn on the microphone during calls to listen to the live conversation – very handy for knowing who he’s talking with.
FlexiSPY pricing starts at $68/month but provides some of the most extensive monitoring capabilities available. It’s available for Android and jailbroken iOS devices.
Spyine
If low cost is your priority, Spyine is a budget-friendly choice that still packs robust features like:
- Texts and iMessages
- Phone call logs
- GPS location
- Media files
- Installed apps
- Web history
The dashboard lets you dig through all data quickly and even shows communications from Facebook, WhatsApp, Snapchat, Instagram and other apps.
Spyine pricing is just $39.99/month with volume discounts available. There‘s also no jailbreaking required for iPhones.
For spying on an iPhone or Android device, Spyine hits all the key marks at an affordable price point.
How They Work
Installing the spy app on your boyfriend‘s phone is the tricky part. You‘ll need about 5-10 minutes of physical access to his cell to download the software without being detected. Helpful to do when he is in the shower or sleeping.
Once installed, the app works in stealth mode to record data from the device which can be viewed remotely from your secure online dashboard. He‘ll never know it‘s tracking him as long as you keep the login info secret.
Pro Tips
- Only install on a phone you own or have permission to access
- Avoid devices with anti-spyware apps installed that may detect it
- For short-term use, one-week licensing is helpful
- Keep the app hidden in a folder on his device so it‘s not visible
- Set up keyword alerts for suspicious phrases or names
- Check the dashboard daily to find times he‘s most active for more insights
Using one of these powerful spy apps allows you to remotely access your boyfriend‘s smartphone activities, messages, location history, and more without handling his device. Just be cautious with usage and uninstall when done.
2. Monitoring Apps Installed on His Phone
Another option is to install monitoring apps directly on his device if you can access it. This provides complete access to the data right on his phone.
Here are top-rated apps for on-device installs:
SpyBubble
SpyBubble is designed specifically for installation on the target device. Once in place, it captures these key data types:
- SMS texts and messages in WhatsApp, Facebook, Snapchat
- Phone call logs and durations
- Website browsing history
- GPS locations
- Photos and videos
- Apps installed and used
The SpyBubble viewer conveniently organizes all data for analysis. You can also export and save records.
Pricing is currently $49.99/month for SpyBubble monitoring. It works on iPhones and Androids. No jailbreak required.
Hoverwatch
Hoverwatch is a similar tracking app that installs directly onto an Android or iPhone device. It records popular data like:
- Calls
- Texts
- IM chats
- Location
- Battery usage
- Installed apps
- Plus Facebook, Tinder, Viber, Snapchat, WhatsApp, and more
I like that Hoverwatch captures IM communication in games and dating apps, which could expose cheating behavior. Access to media files and control options like remote deletion make Hoverwatch a powerful package.
Pricing starts at $25.95/month – affordable for the extensive monitoring capabilities provided.
Highster Mobile
Highster Mobile is one of the easiest cell phone trackers to install with no technical expertise required. Highster can record:
- Text messages
- Call history
- GPS data
- Browser history
- Photos/videos
- App usage and more
The dashboard lets you dig through all data and export backups. It even captures VOIP calls through apps like Skype or Viber.
Highster Mobile is available for a one-time fee of $69.99 with no recurring charges.
Key Advantages
- View his smartphone activity directly without installing any software yourself
- Access data in real-time instead of waiting for sync
- Avoid monthly fees and use for as long as needed (for Highster)
- Ability to export and backup data
Gaining access to install apps on his phone takes timing and trust. But the payoff is getting immediate insights into his digital life.
3. Access iCloud or Google Account Backups
Smartphones constantly sync data like texts, photos, and contacts with associated online accounts. Accessing your boyfriend‘s connected accounts can provide a snapshot of that info.
Here‘s how to tap into iPhone and Android backups:
iCloud Backups
iPhones automatically sync call history, texts, photos and more to iCloud backups. With your boyfriend‘s Apple ID, you can browse his personal data stored in iCloud.
- Head to privacy.apple.com and login with his credentials
- Navigate to desired data types like text messages or photos
- View synced data from his phone‘s latest backup
Keep in mind Apple has recently increased protection of personal data. Full messages may not be visible anymore, but you can still find some details.
Google Account Backups
Texts and multimedia sent via Android phones automatically sync with associated Gmail accounts.
- Open Gmail on a desktop web browser
- Login with his username/password
- Look for synced SMS texts under the ‘Hangouts‘ tab on the left
- Check his Google Drive for backup photos
Again, expect limitations as Google now encrypts backup data. But fragments of messages and metadata around pictures can provide clues.
Key Advantages
- Requires only login credentials instead of physical phone access
- Can browse online any time discretely
- May reveal partial texts, calls or photos
Leveraging associated cloud accounts is hit-or-miss for capturing concrete evidence. But it offers a way to gather some digital crumbs if you end up with access.
4. Tools That Don‘t Require His Phone
Up to this point, all the methods have required some type of access to his phone or account. However, you can still gather valuable information about his behaviors and communications without ever handling his device.
Keyloggers
A keylogger tracks keystrokes typed into a computer or device. By installing one on a computer he uses, you can capture anything he types like passwords, messages, emails, and websites.
Popular remote access keylogger options:
- Spyrix Keylogger – Records keystrokes, websites, chats, emails, logins, and programs. Price starts at $39/3 months.
- Hubstaff – Monitors productivity by tracking websites and programs used. Pricing starts at $5/month per user.
- Qustodio – Tracks keystrokes, websites visited, and location on desktop/laptop and mobile devices. Cost is $54.95/year.
Keylogger programs run hidden in the background covertly recording input. Check reports periodically for revealing messages and behaviors.
Digital Voice Recorders
A simple digital audio recorder can also capture helpful information. Consider hiding one:
- In his car to hear phone conversations during commutes
- In the bedroom to listen for late night calls
- In the living room to record discussions when "out with the guys"
Just be sure to hide the recorder very well or he will discover it. I recommend the Sony ICD-PX470 ($59.99 on Amazon) for crystal clear recordings.
Find My Friends App
Does your boyfriend use the Find My Friends app? Request to share locations and keep tabs on where he goes. Watch for:
- Unexplained absences or detours
- Visits to unfamiliar places
- Quick trips to a frequent location
Using Apple‘s built-in tracking against a cheating partner. Devious!
Ask for Access
Simply ask to see his phone. His willingness to hand it over and comfort with you looking through it can speak volumes.
Watch his response closely. Does he get angry or defensive? Make up excuses why you can‘t see it? These reactions signal he is likely hiding something.
Key Advantage
- Requires zero access to his phone or accounts
- Gives broader insights into his general behavior patterns
- Lower risk than installing software on his devices
Get creative by combining intelligence gathered from these tools with other evidence. Every detail helps to build the bigger picture.
Protect Yourself Legally
Any form of monitoring should only be done with great care. To avoid legal issues:
- Never access accounts that aren‘t yours or install software on devices you don‘t own
- Consult a lawyer if concerned – laws vary around computer trespass and cyber harassment
- Don‘t use any data gathered to harass, threaten or control your partner
- Only capture minimal data needed to confirm suspicions and avoid excessive monitoring
- Be prepared for what you may find and handle responsibly
In general, it‘s safest to only access accounts you‘re authorized to view and avoid handling his devices. Protect yourself, but proceed with caution.
When to Stop Monitoring
At what point should you stop spying on your boyfriend? Here are signs it’s time to step back:
- You‘ve confirmed your fears or worries were unfounded
- The monitoring is no longer serving its purpose
- You find yourself obsessing over the data
- Your checking becomes excessive – remember this was only intended to be temporary
Don‘t let the monitoring become an unhealthy compulsion. Get the evidence you need, make informed decisions, and avoid continual snooping behaviors.
Confronting Him After Spying
So you‘ve uncovered incriminating messages or worrisome behaviors with your monitoring efforts. Before reacting:
- Review the evidence thoroughly and document it
- Ascertain the facts – don‘t make assumptions
- Decide how to approach him constructively
- Plan a time to talk when you are both calm
- Avoid intense emotions – be pragmatic
- Present the evidence for discussion, not argument
- Let him share his side
- Discuss how to address issues uncovered
This conversation will set the tone for how your relationship can move forward – or if it‘s reached the end. Handling it thoughtfully and maturely gives the best odds for a resolution.
When to Get Outside Help
If attempts to discuss relationship problems continue to falter, it may be time to get professional help through counseling or therapy. Outside guidance can provide:
- Constructive strategies for communicating issues
- Tools to address root causes like lack of intimacy, control battles, stress, or other dysfunction
- A neutral environment to air concerns and rebuild broken trust
- Exercises and frameworks for increasing affection and closeness
Don’t be afraid to seek help repairing a damaged relationship. The right guidance can get you back on track.
In Conclusion
I hope this guide has illuminated various options for monitoring your boyfriend’s digital footprint and communications when you suspect shady behavior. While spying on your partner should never be taken lightly, it can provide confirmation or peace of mind when used selectively.
Remember to always keep ethics in mind, proceed with caution, confirm suspicions before accusations, and seek help if needed. Feel empowered to take control and make informed choices using technology to protect yourself and your relationship. Stay strong!
